Installment #54

I thought I would end the “dating, love, relationship” saga with some great advice that was given to me by an 88 year old woman…

Not long after I became “single” again, I went in for a pedicure at the local nail salon and was seated next to a very interesting, and talkative older lady. It didn’t take her long to strike up a conversation with me, even though I had my nose in my phone. She mentioned that a niece was wanting to throw her a birthday party soon and when she asked her niece why, the niece answered with…

"Well, it's gonna be a big one, isn't it?". So, I bite..."Oh yeah, what big number is that?" - “90” she exclaims, followed by the fact that she was currently 88.

"What!? No way!" was my reaction, "I'm gonna need to see your birth certificate!”

The nail ladies smiled and shook their heads up and down..."doesn't she look great!" Seriously, this woman DID look amazing for 88, I wouldn't have put her past 72. So, my next question obviously was…"So tell us, what's your secret?"

Eating bacon every day, drinking wine, Pond's Cold Cream; those were the things I was expecting to hear. What came out of her mouth made me blush…"Honey, have LOTS of sex!" - "I'm serious" she went on to say, pointing her finger at me. "People ask, 'aren't you too old to be having sex?' and I tell them hell no". From there she gives me an example..."I once helped take care of a cranky older woman who was moaning about life and I told her she needed to get laid"; the old woman gasped and covered her mouth and couldn't believe what she was hearing. She told the old lady ..."you're never too old and a woman has her needs!" 

She went on to tell me numerous stories about her life; growing up as a child, how her mom lived to be 98, and that she finally won "Best of the Best" in the county fair quilt competition. But my favorite story, aside from her "secret to longevity" was how she overheard a man (20 years younger than her) at a party say...."Man, I wonder what it would be like to 'nail' that." in which she walked up to him and replied..."Come with me this weekend to my country home and you'll find out!". Thirty years later she continues to ask him..."Honey, don't you know what a weekend is? It's 2-3 days, not 30 years." She laughs which leads me to believe she just says that in jest and I would imagine they must be just as smitten with one another as they were 30 years ago.

Hmmmmm… I’m only 52, perhaps there is hope for me yet ;)


Here she is... the 88 year old woman with some great advice!

<Installment #55 Installment #53>

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